Life Changes Every Second

I am back. Might not be for long but I needed somewhere to vent. My life has changed so much in the past year and over the next few weeks, there will be so many more changes coming, please send some prayers and sanity my way for what is about to come.

Ever been caught in the eye of a hurricane? Well me neither, but if how I’m feeling right now is anything like it, then I don’t wish this on anyone.

About 3 months ago Daniel was diagnosed with Level 1 Autism.  We’ve started ABA services about 4 weeks ago at about 11.5 hours a week and it is crazy to see how much he has progressed.

About a month ago, my husband and I decided we are going to get divorced.  It has been a long time coming, but we finally made the decision that this is what is best for us right now.  He also moved out right after we made our decision to his old family home (mortgage free).  He has a steady job and is continuing to pay for our home while Daniel and I can figure out where to go.  I am a Realtor but the past year hasn’t been the best since I am still fairly new to the scene.  I didn’t realize how in debt we were and we need to sell our house immediately before our credit is completely ruined.  I will be selling our house as soon as I can de-clutter and get things packed up and good enough for pictures.  I am also looking for a full-time job so I can support Daniel and myself.  I am also looking for an apartment that will work with me to get me in before I sell my house.

I am taking care of my child on my own, he comes by to help out if I have somewhere to be for work etc.  I am going thru all my sons services for early intervention and ABA by myself.  I am preparing “our” house to sell by myself, he has literally left me with everything in this somewhat big 3 bedroom house. I am searching for a job. I am searching for a place for us to live.  I will most likely have to give my dog to my hubs because most apartments do not allow them.

My immediate family and closest friends know but I haven’t really opened it up to the public, like I am today on here.  It’s hard.  We’re going to do this as civil as possible in the best interest of our baby boy.  He needs great co-parents and that is what I aim to be.  I also aim to be the best advocate for him throughout his journey with Autism.  Level 1 may be a mild case, but its still enough to need services and assistance to get him where he needs to be in life.

Friends are getting engaged, friends are celebrating their anniversaries, friends are having babies… friends are asking if I’m working on baby #2.  Do you know what that does to me on the inside? It kills me.  It slowly kills me.  I was always one to ask people this plain, yet what I thought was a simple question.  And now that I’m in the position I’m in, I will not ask someone that question ever again.  If someone is ready to have another baby, they will tell you.  You have no idea what may be happening in their life.  I want another baby. Shit, I want two more babies.  I want my baby boy to have a sister or brother or both. I wanted him to have siblings close in age.  I wanted him to be best friends with his sibling, like I am with my oldest sister.  I never wanted to be a family of divorce.  I never wanted to live an unhappy marriage. Our anniversary is Halloween, what fun that will be. 😦

I look forward to the day I can truly smile again.  I want my baby boy to know what true happiness is and I hope he never feels or sees me sad.  I am doing my best to be the strongest momma I can be during this hardest time in my life.

God grant me the serenity.


Almost 1 and a Half already – WOW!

I can’t believe how quickly time flies.  My helpless little newborn baby has blossomed into an active little boy! All the things I couldn’t imagine happening, have happened.  He runs, he plays, he talks … He’s my toddler!

Here are some updated photos…

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10 Month Old Christmas Photo Nov 2015


12mo Cake Smash

After a year old!


Typical day in my life.


Chillin, mommy I can’t see the tv.



Is there something on my face?


Just a boy and his dog… They’re always together ❤

More updates to come! It took me too long to upload the pics and he’ll be waking from his nap soon.  I miss the blogger world!! Hope everyone reading is doing well!


Where does the time go? 7 Months old …

I still can’t believe my little nugget is 7 months old.  He has the best personality ever. He loves people, love to smile and giggle.  He recently started showing a bashful side around some new people, he turns his face into my chest while peeking at them with a smirk..

More about Daniel.

  • Still no teeth
  • Sits up on his own, rolls side to side, but hates tummy time and not crawling yet.
  • He loves the pool and bath time
  • Loves his doggies, especially when they lick him
  • Enjoys play time.. in the jumper, sitting up with toys, loves his taggy and elmo dolls
  • HATES HATES HATES bed time and nap time
  • Loves food, especially sweet potatoes and yogurt
  • He almost waves hi..  the wrist starts going but I’m not sure if he’s excited and arms flailing or hes actually waving lol
  • He mumbles mum mum mum mum … but I don’t think he’s referring to me, but we can pretend 😉

We attempted to wean onto formula so I can stop breastfeeding.. but thats not working out so well. He only wants the boob / breastmilk .. ahhh! Help! He hates formula and seals his mouth shut and pushes the bottle away with his hand..

I’ve also attempted CIO during bed time, but I dont last week it.. Half way through the night he’s back in my arms being nursed to sleep.  Lately, we cosleep and I think he’s sleep has gotten worse because he constantly wants to nurse.

I’m screwed continuing to nurse instead of formula and I’m screwed out of sleep.  But, I enjoy every moment with this little nugget.  He’s the most handsome, sweetest little boy.  He’s grown so much, he was up to 16lbs at his 6 month visit and almost 27″ .. so by now he’s probably a few pounds heavier since we’re eating solids.  He’s definitely chunkin up!

Well, time for bed… I sleep when he sleeps, but figured I should try to give a brief update! 😀

6 Month Photos!

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It’s Been Awhile – 5.5 Months old!

I honestly wish there were more hours in a day.  I never have time for anything, including myself. I feel Danny always needs me.  I love feeling loved, I loved how he cries for me.. it melts my heart.  We’ve had it tough, parenting hasn’t been a walk in the park.  I love being a mom and wouldn’t want it any other way, although it just has not been easy. Since 4 months, we went through the hell phase of the 4 month sleep regression and ever since then Danny hasn’t been eating right.  During the sleep regression he either just wanted to be in my arms or sleep in bed against me.  I was completely against cosleeping until then.  It’s the only way he’d sleep and only way I’d get any sleep, even though I don’t really sleep with him in bed with me.  I’m too worried and concerned with protecting him that I do not sleep.  So yeah, we’ve been to the doctors multiple times concerning his eating habits and at one appointment it was mentioned I needed to get him back on prilosec .. which I have and at least his spitting up has gotten better but again his eating habits have not.  Some good news, he is now eating oatmeal and baby food and is loving every bit of it! He’s just not drinking as much throughout the day, maybe 2 oz here and there… it actually worries me.  This week we’re keeping a log so I can talk to the doc.  I know when they start food they drink less but this was happening before he started eating foods this week.

Teething, Oy, he’s teething! Eats everything in sight and drools like crazy!!!

He always wants to sit up or stand when people are holding him but he still hates tummy time and isn’t progressing much with it as well as rolling or crawling. *Sad Face* Every baby is different so he’ll just be slower in that area I assume, which is fine… Keep my baby a baby, he’s already growing way too fast!

He’s too perfect and I can’t wait to share more news and pics, its just been a long few months … plus I started a new job which … I’m not happy to be back at work especially sleeping less, seeing Danny less and never having time for anything.  But it’s so close to home I get to pop in for 15min on my lunch break and I’m not putting any real miles on my new car.  Yes, we got a new car too 😀 Chevy Traverse ..

Any advice on transition the baby to the crib and how to make it cozy? He’s still in the rock n play and we’re having trouble getting him adjusted. Plus he wakes up so much during the night to nurse I dread the thought of him in another room especially with how much I’m not sleeping.

Okay okay okay, he’s sleeping so I really should be sleeping too .. He’ll be up soon enough to nurse so might as well rest while I can.

Miss my blogger fam – hope everyone else is well! Can’t wait to catch up on your lives and baby pics!! 😀


4 Months Old & Baptized!

My little nugget turned 4 Months old on Saturday.  Can you believe he’s already been in this world 4 months, because I can’t! I love him so so so much, I thank god every day for him!

Sunday Danny was baptized and he did so good during the actual baptism.  The Deacon got a little holy water in his eyes which he did start crying when that happened but he was soon fine and wiggling around again.  Their was another couple having their son baptized and he slept through the ENTIRE thing, so cute! Danny was wide awake sitting in my arms, playing with his bib, holding my finger, looking around etc.  But he was so good! The crappy part about Sunday was, it was SO warm out.  In Massachusetts, you never know what the weather will be in April or May, well Sunday was in the 80s and his baptism outfit was long sleeves and pants.  Epic Fail.  Mondays weather dropped down to low 60s, why couldn’t that have been Sundays weather?!!!! Poor kid was like a mini heat box in the church and then the Deacon added a blessed bib onto him as well as a crocheted and blessed scarf.  Shaun and I took his outfit off him as soon as the service was done he was stripped down to his onesie.  He didn’t really enjoy picture taking after the service so we hurried that and then brought him home to feed him and change him then head to the party.  We had a combined party with my cousin whose son was born a month before Danny.  Another negative impact due to the weather, the hall didn’t advise us that the AC was not working and therefore the hall was like a sauna (luckily we got the hall for free), but it was so bad that the party lasted about 2 hours.  It was nice while it lasted but since it was so short, I felt everything was rushed and I didn’t get to enjoy a thing.. especially since D was cranky and still sweaty.  People were bummed that I didn’t have him in his baptism outfit and I was a bit embarrassed not doing so, but I couldn’t torture my son that way in the heat.  He did receive a beautiful cross on a necklace from his godparents my sister and her boyfriend. 🙂 He was cranky the rest of the night, so thankfully we were home and comfy by 6pm.

Monday morning was Danny’s 4 month appointment.  He weight 13lb 13oz and was 25.5in. He’s skinny but long. For his weight he is in the 17th percentile, not sure what his height is.  My son is not all skin and bones and I hate that they put them in percentiles, luckily they haven’t mentioned his weight being an issue.  I talked to this doctor about his bathroom issues and she suggests I bring in another poopie diaper to be tested for the milk protein allergy.  She said things could have change since his first test when he was only a month old.  This visit he had to drink some weird drink of medicine and then get 3 shots.  He did so good but he did let out a good crying during the shots but he calmed down shortly after and fell asleep on the car ride home.  He napped most of the day yesterday but I did sneak in tylenol here and there since he felt a little warm and had a drowsy look in his eyes.  He was so cuddley though and I’ll take all the cuddles I can get.

This morning I woke up engorged, surprise surprise!! I called my LC and she recommended using cabbage to cool off the breast and get D to nurse on that side.  How awkward is sticking cabbage on your boob and walking around like that?? LOL.  Anyways, I’m probably going to get engorged again if he doesn’t wake up soon since he napped late and now is going on a 3 hour nap. (But the nap is much needed). Hopefully later today I’ll take his 4 month pictures since I haven’t been able to.  🙂



Mother’s Day Cranky Baby Update

So I figured out or at least, think I’ve figured out whats wrong with D. He had another screaming fit last night and so I decided to stick my finger in his mouth and feel around.  Sure enough, I found a tooth breaking through. We gave him some tylenol right away yet I didn’t find that it actually helped.  He still screamed bloody murder and the only thing that would calm him was my husband swinging him in his car seat.  He didn’t want to be held, he didn’t want to be in his actual swing… the only thing he didn’t mind was being in the car seat if it was being swung around.  He doesn’t even want to nurse.. I have his teething ring in the freezer now for his next episode.  How long does teething last? And when should his tooth fully break through? I hope he’s okay on Sunday for his baptism. I’m really nervous about that.

Today is my DH birthday but unfortunately he’s working a double all day.  When D wakes up from his nap, I’m hoping to make hubs a sandwich and bring it to his work for a quick visit.

Something else pretty shitty happened last night.  I was about to pump but when putting my pump together, I noticed black stuff inside. Mold.  Terrifying mold.  FML.  I almost cried.  I then realized that part of the pump comes apart which previously I didn’t know, therefore mold was able to grow inside of it.  I dumped all 20oz of breast milk in the fridge and now I’m debating what to do about my freezer stash.  I have no idea how long its been like that and it makes me sick to my stomach knowing time to time the baby drinks from a bottle especially the last few days since he wouldn’t nurse. I wear I don’t have the worst luck, I have no luck.  Just praying he dont get sick from this and on Monday at his 4mo appt I’m going to ask the doctor what to do about my freezer stash and how much I should dispose of.

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My first Mother’s Day..

My first Mother’s Day started out wonderful but soon turned to a day of anxiety .. We went to my MIL early afternoon and everything was great, Daniel was his happy self although he hadn’t ate much or napped.. Then we went to my sisters where my family was and grandparents, D was still happy. I took him to my sisters room to nurse him but again he didn’t eat much .. He continued to be happy then around 6pm mid eating our awesome clam boil he started to scream and the screams went on till about 930pm.. They lasted until we got in the car to drive to the ER where he passed out in the car seat. Needless to say we’re driving home now at 12pm and the doctor believes it was just a bad case of his colic since he was somewhat consolable… I’m happy that’s all it is but omg I feel like I’ve been thru a tornado. Today seems like a blur and I feel like crying.. I couldn’t enjoy my day or my dinner or my sisters huge news. Instead I was panicked on the verge of tears hoping my baby would calm down and stop crying.. My mom, grandma, sister and husband were all clueless… Nothing would get him to calm down. I’m sort of embarrassed it was only colic but happy that’s all it is.

My older sister whose been trying to get pregnant for years announced today that she’s pregnant.. I am so happy for her and yet so upset I couldn’t show it or join in on her excitement. Last year we did our announcement on Mother’s Day and well, my sister is due around the same time of year I was so she decided to do the same. I sort of knew it was her big announcement when she made everyone come into the room together, I’m so happy for her. Can’t wait for Daniel to have a cousin and they’ll only be a year apart. She’s due Dec 25th and her birthday is Dec 28th and Daniel was due Jan 8th born Jan 16th.. Can’t wait to find out he or she! Unlike us, they will find out.

Slight update .. D was in the ER a few weeks ago for what they think was a stomach bug because he was throwing up (spit up) all day long and ever since then his belly and bowel movements haven’t been right.. Hoping he gets better soon, I love my little nugget so much and I hate to see him in pain. Even  though this wasn’t the Mother’s Day imagined I wouldn’t want it any other way .. He’s my life ❤️

Happy Mother’s Day ladies!!  

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